It's true, there really was no reason for it. But it's the end of June, so let's say... Brian May's birthday in 3 weeks? Yeah, that's the reason. Sure.
I'm going to look at these songs in order of release date, for no particular reason (this article is meaningless. There is no reason here. Only "Somebody to Love"). I'm only including original songs and remixes - no audition tapes, Britain's Got Talent contestants, or The Voice hopefuls. Only professionally produced performances sung by actual singers.
So with the boring rules-lawyery stuff out of the way, let's find somebody's "Somebody to Love" to love.
1. Jefferson Airplane (1967)
The original and, some might say, the best.
It's me. I say that.
Honestly I don't think it got any better than this. Sometimes there's no improving on the original. It's got funk, it's got soul, it's got dirty guitars and a catchy chorus. Sure, it might not have the panache of Queen's operatic fare, it might not be the sort of thing that gets a crowd singing along, but it's got the original surfer-style guitar solo and ear-splitting vocals. You gotta admit, Grace Slick can really hold a note.
2. Queen (1976)
Released nine years later, you can't say Queen isn't on equal footing, however. It arguably has more staying power just by being a Queen song, probably a staple of karaoke bars the world over, but it's precisely for that reason that it doesn't hit me so hard. I love it, that's true, but it's Queen. You know you're going to love it if it's Queen.
Look, don't get me wrong, it's got a guitar solo. And around the three minute mark it drops right down just so it can build up again with beautiful choral vocals, but I feel like it should finish about a minute before it really does and it doesn't have the whole funk/soul vibe that I really dig in Jefferson Airplane's cool original.
3. George Michael and Queen (1992)
George Michael, in my opinion, combines Jefferson Airplane's strong, powerful vocals with Queen's opera-chorus fusion and makes it feel like a cinematic score. It's a credits theme, a thank you to the man himself, Freddie Mercury, and that's appropriate given he sang it live for a charity concert in Mercury's name. I can't help but give it a little extra knowing that.
But honestly I do like this version. It's little more than a cover, but when that cover is played live in front of thousands, with real heart, it strikes a chord.
RIP George Michael. RIP Freddie Mercury. I'm sure neither of you will be forgotten for a long, long time to come.
4. Boogie Pimps (2002)
And we go from the sublime to the ridiculous. Leaving aside the music video for a moment, it's a pop remix of the Jefferson Airplane original without the punch or the grime. It's a clean version with a funk beat put underneath to trick the ears.
That said, at least it's inoffensive. Well, audio-wise. Slightly autotuned-to-death but this was the early 2000's. That was hardly a punishable crime back then.
Actually, before we move on can we talk about that music video? Skydiving babies and giant women in lingerie. Making use of all the bad computer editing that was available in 2002. Finished off by the least inconspicuous analogy for ejaculation this side of badly-written fan-fiction. Sex sells, though, right?
5. Ella Enchanted (2004)
A beautiful cover of Queen's original, sung by Anne Hathaway for a room of dodgy green-screen giants (honestly it's 2004, it's obviously a set). Props to Hathaway for her brilliantly awkward in-character facial expressions - the first two minutes it's obvious Ella doesn't want to be singing in front of all these people.
The fact that this is also one of my favourite parts of the movie doesn't hurt it, either.
6. Happy Feet (2006)
Brittany Murphy calls this an "homage" to George Michael's Queen cover (I'm running out of ways to call it a "Queen original"), and she imbues it with that Freddie Mercury style whilst still bringing in that Jefferson Airplane soul. If it weren't for Happy Feet itself being known as 2006's "Movie Most Likely to Kill Audiences from Second-Hand Embarrassment", I might have enjoyed this version more. As it is, all I can know it for is Brittany Murphy's sweet vocals, bad CGI penguins and the most awkward, cringey story in a kids film ever.
7. Leighton Meester feat. Robin Thicke (2009)
I give this one credit for being the first original song called "Somebody to Love" since 1976, but really it's not as good as Freddie Mercury's operatic mix or Grace Slick's soulful sixties offering. It's got a techno beat under breathy, raspy lyrics which give way to Robin Thicke rapping. Badly. Oh well, it's nice to know he was just as skeevy before "Blurred Lines" became a thing.
It's less a song and more a vehicle for Leighton Meester to try and sound sexy while Robin Thicke autotunes himself in the background. So... typical 2000's fare?
8. Justin Bieber feat. Usher (2010)
Let's be honest, this was never going to be my favourite. I have too much of a prejudice against Justin Bieber already. But there's something that really makes my skin crawl about his obviously pre-pubescent tones singing about needing somebody to love. It's worse when he's not autotuned - listening to this schoolkid sing just makes me recoil. Thankfully Usher's there to provide an actual human-sounding voice to the mix, but this was never going to be good.
Also, it took me way too long to figure out it was a remix of the Queen "Somebody to Love". At what point do you stop calling it a remix and just decide it's its own song? Maybe when you change literally all the lyrics and take out the melody and bassline and everything that made the original what it is.
9. Rusko (2012)
So this one is interesting because it doesn't actually show up in the first two pages when you search "Somebody to Love" on Youtube - despite not only countless covers, BGT auditions, kids at home with a mic setup and a guitar, but also a remix of this very song showing up on the first page alone - but I rooted it out and decided to give it a listen. Can't have a remix without the original, after all.
And it starts off okay, but I have issues when it gets into real "dubstep" territory. I'll gladly listen to Skrillex and Deadmau5, but this doesn't have that same depth of sound; it drops the beat when the beat is a hi-hat and someone saying "somebody to love" in a high-pitched autotune voice. There's no beat there to drop. You have to pick up a beat before you can drop it, friend. That's what makes it dubstep.
So it doesn't feel authentic. Each "drop" is a bubble of sound popping on top of a mud puddle, just a squelch of noise that didn't really need to be there. I kinda wish something creative had been done with it.
10. Rusko Sigma Remix... Thing (2012)
Side-note: that creative something was not the Sigma remix. So first thing to realise about this one: it speeds up the original song and that doesn't do it any favours. And then it goes into typical drum-n-bass which, to its credit, it at least tries to give some variation on the same predictable drumming pattern everyone puts under drum-n-bass songs (you listen. You'll never be able to unhear that same rhythm in every. Song). But it has the same problem, in that it sounds like every other club banger out there. It's like a trance album - ninety percent of the songs sound exactly the same after the first thirty seconds. And I don't want to listen to thirty seconds of a song before losing interest. It's exactly as uncreative as the original, only somehow more so.
The Verdict
So that's all the songs I cared to scour called "Somebody to Love" but which body did I love best? Listening back to them, I have to admit: I still love the Jefferson Airplane original. It's got soul, it's got funk! It's a little dirty and it has that feeling of pedal-to-the-metal cruising cool that is just the essence of the time. Queen is second, obviously - it's a classic - but George Michael's 1992 cover is a close third because DAMN that man can sing! After Ella Enchanted in fourth it gets a little tricky; I think Boogie Pimps has to go next, if only by virtue of not being unoriginal or Justin Bieber.
Happy Feet should go next: Brittany Murphy really gives it her all, and if it weren't for the memories of that movie (and the lack of a guitar solo I mean COME ON is it so hard for singing penguins to play the guitar?) then it might have placed higher. After that... well I can't put Justin Bieber behind the others. He's only creepy because it's a child singing about relationships. He's not Robin Thicke creepy. But it's Rusko that's going to place 8th on my list, because honestly it's something original that doesn't contain Robin Thicke. Were it not for Usher, I think Rusko and Bieber would have switched places.
In ninth goes Leighton Meester, because it was an original song at least. Robin Thicke was still creepy as all Hell, and he can't rap to save his life. Which means in last place goes the most recent, the Sigma Remix of Rusko's unoriginal dubstep-vehicle. It starts off with thirty seconds of the original song, only faster, and goes on to add in the least creative elements of electronic music: a predictable and repetitive drum-n-bass rhythm, trance keyboard sounds over the top, and very little beyond. I find it unoriginal, lacking in creativity, and at least two minutes too long.
But you know what? It's still not as creepy as Robin Thicke.
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