I really should stop reviewing movies. For one thing, I can't stand any of them. I go in expecting something brilliant, and the half I like is always overshadowed by the half I detest. Sometimes there's too much story getting in the way of a cheap-thrills B-movie ride, sometimes there's all action when we need some quiet talk and agonised looks. I hate trilogies, I hate superhero movies, I hate plodding crime "thrillers". I hate movies, basically. But I really hate the fact that awards-season is rolling round now, because it means we get into these thick, story-heavy movies at a time when you need a marshmallowy chocolate winter warmer.
Allow me to explain, because a hot chocolate metaphor doesn't go far enough to fully deal with this topic. Every year you can almost set your calendar by the kinds of movies they advertise. Going on Cineworld's YouTube channel today, I was presented with three trailers chock-full of stars, three trailers which are all about telling these family stories about people we're not even invested in. Somehow the Oscar-baits always miss their mark for me - last year it was Life of Pi and Argo, they were the two heavy hitters. But they're two movies I did not want to see, the first because it was laden with special effects and actually looked awful, the second because it was another "thriller" which rarely live up to the title.
That said, this year looks okay-ish. So far there's A New York Winter's Tale, which seems to be a thriller-romance with a historical twist, and it has Colin Farrell in it. That's not much of a plus when the villain apparently looks the same after an eighty-year age gap, but then trailers always lie and I loved In Bruges and Seven Psychopaths. That being said, this is Colin Farrell in a serious role, and every time I hear his voice there's a tiny part of my brain which keeps repeating "Bruges is a shit-hole!" so I don't know how I'll deal with that. There's also The Grand Budapest Hotel which looks actually pretty entertaining. This is my must-watch for the season based solely on the trailer - it plays like an absurd comedy about a hotelier and his new lobby boy as they flee the law and attempt to smuggle a painting. It's like a cross between Hotel Babylon and Fawlty Towers (if you haven't watched either of those, 1) what are you doing with your life? and 2) you must, they are two awesome shows), with a bit of Hustle thrown in for good measure. And yes, it does have an all-star cast, but that may play to its strengths - I haven't seen anything in which Bill Murray acted that wasn't absolutely ace, and I hope this is no exception. It's a shame it comes out after the Oscars, really.
There is a Charles Dickens biopic drama thing, The Invisible Woman, which looks very emotional and dark and freezing-over in these months. On the plus side, The Book Thief actually looks pretty cool, it seems like a feel-good film with some action and a little intrigue. It's based on a book, which can make for a better movie, and if it's good I may rethink my bias against Life of Pi (it was made by the same studio). Actually, a few of the "based on a true story" films look pretty good this year. Lone Survivor is a jarhead flick which feels kinda like The Grey only with US Army Rangers instead of the rig workers, and with the Taliban instead of wolves. It looks like an interesting war film.
On the other end of the spectrum, there's Devil's Due, which is yet another attempt to cash in on Paranormal Activity's success. It's a typical-looking "found footage" film, with the twist that the possessed woman is pregnant. Odds on, it's the Devil's baby. And odds on it'll be filled with the usual expected jump-scares and very little actual terror. Because this is the problem with found footage; it is littered with scares which break the tension and leave very little time to actually build the tension again. Even when they do, the scares aren't big enough to actually give you a fright.
I have mixed feelings about one or two of the films. On the one hand, Labor Day looks pretty cool, I'm interested in hearing the protagonist's story. But it's a little too fairy tale, too much "criminal-has-a-change-of-heart" for what I saw at the beginning. Frank Chambers (Josh Brolin's character and the protagonist) is menacing and a true criminal, and I guess that's supposed to be our expectation, but this is a man who has said "I've never intentionally hurt anyone in my life" and in the first few seconds of the trailer he's threatened a teenager, he feels a little psychopathic. I'm hoping for a feel good film but deep down I'm expecting a horror movie where he kills the family in the end.
Of the coming soons, I'm really interested in Inside Llewyn Davies. It looks interesting, I can't tell if it's a comedy or a coming-of-age tale, but Oscar Isaac's character feels so identifiable in his downtrodden yet optimistic character of the titular Llewyn Davies. It's a trailer that actually makes me smile. The Railway Man is a slightly different story: the tale is compelling, it feels action-y, but at the same time slow-paced thanks to Colin Firth's relaxed speech. But every time I see the trailer, I'm more interested in watching it. At the complete opposite end of the spectrum, there's I, Frankenstein, which feels like it's trying to be Hellboy. I'd love it if the protagonist was a little more Frankenstein-y, though; he's kinda handsome-but-scarred which really takes away from it for me.
One last film I'd like to talk about: Grudge Match. Robert DeNiro and Sylvester Stallone, in a boxing ring. And it's one of the only trailers which has made me laugh out loud. It's a little feel-good, a lot comedy, and it looks totally awesome. It seems like this is the year for old stars to return, and these two look as good as they ever have done.
So that's an almost-comprehensive list of all the Oscar-bait movies and everything which is coming out before mid-March. I'll tell you more when I've been to see them. For now though, I'm off.
Adieu!
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